we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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