No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
