So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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