Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
