But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
