it was like having sex with a tree stump
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
