I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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