Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I believe in your delicious
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize