Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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