It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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