let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
