oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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