i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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