he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
