i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We are two peas in an std pod
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
did i just pee glitter
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
