I just pynch a tree in the face
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
