Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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