Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
