you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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