wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
