Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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