So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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