I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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