awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
