He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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