Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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