before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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