i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
