Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize