I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
