New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
