I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
