I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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