I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
