Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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