I could have mohawked her pubes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize