She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
