Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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