and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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