hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
