before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
