Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
