He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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