to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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