I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
