she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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