he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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