he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
