Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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