one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
