69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my poor anus
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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