I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
