it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
