I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
