If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
