i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
