i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
