I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
