this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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