Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's always time for handjobs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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