i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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