Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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